lorena's thoughtful heart

l.a.

Fri, 12 Aug 2005 03:59:46 GMT

o.k., if Jnette really graduated...(some how her diploma came in the mail from Loyola, says she graduated), then I will be going to L.A. in September.

hey, anin gets back in 4 days, wierd...

--lorena

Tue, 02 Aug 2005 18:29:18 GMT

I am now on my 5th/6th job of the summer (I won't count doing some guys laundry for 50 bucks a pop, Babysitting some guys kids or the BJ i gave for 2 bucks-still not very good at any of the above). Server at a biker bar/restaurant, Bartender at a Greek owned bar and grill, server at Applebee's-all I quit. Then after 1 week, then I was a substitute teacher at a grade school until summer school ended, I have done weddings once a month for the folks downstairs, and now I am at a BORING, barely make enough to put gas in my car, golf course.

I want to move. I want to move to L.A. but I want to keep my apartment. Can not let go of the apartment. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. o.k. on that nut..i mean Note, I'm depressed/anxious/frustrated...hungry.

With the Great news, comes some terrible news

Mon, 09 May 2005 20:25:15 GMT

I have Very good news and pretty damn bad news to share. Bad news first: I was fired from my job as a waitress/bartender on Friday May 6 after I fell asleep from staying up all night completing course work. I did not wake up until an hour after my shift started. The good news is...
I have successfully completed the course work for this semester and have EARNED a 4.0 gpa for the Spring 2005 semester!
I am now the first person in my family to graduate college, a humbled graduate at that.
Bittersweet beginnings...
lorenaelisa

my college life is over VERY shortly...future..I'm trying to get there

Thu, 05 May 2005 18:19:44 GMT

Happy Cinco de Mayo first of all...you know us silly Mexican Americanos..All proud because our ancestors won a fight with some French men. People are already drunk in Joliet. Here in Plainfield, people just don't understand. I have a few more assignments to turn in and I am Officially done with school. My graduation ceremony is Sunday May 15th.

I have no idea what I am going to do in August. My internship offered me an Aides job in the fall. What to do? I have to figure this out. I don't know what the hell to do. Go away and learn or stay here and get my life organized. hmmm.
--Lorenaelisa

procrastination is not the key to success

Sun, 10 Apr 2005 22:13:56 GMT

i just messed up the computer system at work-J net is going to kill me-she just got finished and went to push save and I flippin accidentally kicked the cord. My clumsiness ticks people off. Yeah...so i still have not finished my big grant. I'm off suspension as of thursday and I am going to have work my ASS off-i owe my bank Hundreds of dollars. I f*ckin' tick myself off some times.

PROCRASTINATION is going to be my Downfall in life IF i don't change my ways.

I'm going to change my ways.

I miss you laura and nina.

ttyl...
Loca

My ability to be a Flake is shining through

Tue, 05 Apr 2005 04:42:29 GMT

I have had FOREVER to write this damned grant. Where am I ? Page One. When was it due? This morning. I called off-for the third time. Ahhhhhhhhhhh.

My great ability to be flaky is shining through. Why do I do this? WHY?

I am starting to be very disappointed in myself. I was doing so well-and I am going to turn things around-but it might be to late to get an A.

Tue, 22 Mar 2005 21:31:01 GMT

I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo tired and yet I have a TON of work to do. I really don't want to do it either. But here I go, here I go again...What's my weakness? Fatigue!!! well, maybe if I did not go out drinkin' with my boss and the rest of the teachers and principal!
Yeah, SO i need to get going-gotta do some after work Social Workin'!

I am ssssssssssssssooooooooooooooooooo tired, did I mention that!?!?!

--lorena elisa

Leaving in August

Thu, 17 Mar 2005 19:57:19 GMT

I will find out where I will be vollunteering with in the next few months. I am vying for one of 3 places. Los Angeles, Tiajuana or Baltimore. There are pretty good perks to all of them. L.A.-well, hello, its L.A., Mexico because I want to learn spanish and it would be cool to live out of the U.S. and really appreciate things when I come back, and Baltimore...well, its close to D.C. and its a F*cked up place to be. Not like L.A.-i think more dismal.

I guess it does not really matter where I go-I just wanna help people and learn something while I am at it. O.k. So i am very tired. I have to leave my Internship right now and go straight to the restaurant and open up our bar. Hey, if any one knows who I could get to live in my apt. for a year while I'm gone-let me know, PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, i miss you. TTYL, hopefully.

with love and fatigue,

lorenaelisa

P.s. Happy Shamrock and Green Beer day

I ate for my birthday-very well, very diverse

Mon, 07 Mar 2005 15:37:21 GMT

Italian, Japanese, Mexican for my birthday. Rosebuds, Todai, and La Mex.
I ate very well :) i even made lots o' money on my b-day weekend. Happy girl I am. I got some cheezy gifts-ducky stuff and a red vinyl purse. One great present from my social work Advisor-a book of short thoughts and essays to be read every day. Like it alot. She read it too.

Yes, i ate meat. Real dead Carne Asada. Well, i have been eating meat for a while. A year I have been eating chicken and fish. That took me a while. I still eat 90% vegetarian-but I did it for my birthday. Other than the good food-my birthday WEEKend kinda sucked until Sunday. That rocked. Yeah, but the meat thing was different too-been like 9 years.
Prolly won't do it again.
I have to get back to work--I missed laura and nina. yeah...

--lorenaelisa

I Rocked being in Charge yesterday

Wed, 23 Feb 2005 16:32:46 GMT

I rock! yesterday was my second Mix-It-Up day and the first one I lead..and..I ROCKED!

I decided to do the activity on HIV and Viruses. I designed an experiment where the kids would pass out jelly beans to one another and It showed them how easy it is to get HIV through sexual contact-I don't feel like explaining in depth. Then we discussed the issue and we talked stats. Some of the teachers were on edge. I kept it clean and stayed away from talking about protection in depth as I was "warned" about because our superintendent is "very catholic" and has 7 kids and would not like it. Which of course Is B.S., but i got my point across none the less. Everyone thought it was a good presentation and discussion. I am getting better at this whole social work deal.

The only thing now is that I am on my own for the next 3 days and I don't even know what to do with myself. The kids still aren't completely open to me-not the majority anyway.

Other fronts, I called the marine, he actually called me back. I was busy talking in person to a guy up here when he called. I never called him back. He asked me to call him back later or today. I will, eventually this evening. I dont know what he wants from this. Ahhhhhhhhh. Back to figuring out what to do withhout my advisor today

--lorenaelisa

My car, maybe me...need a mechanic, a new one

Fri, 18 Feb 2005 14:06:43 GMT

Yeah so I missed my internship yesterday. My car is being DUMB. One day it works, the next it is puttin' away-seriously, the next day it needs a jump to start.

The days go by slowly as I wait for him to call me. My marine. The strange thing is that I am falling more and more "Out of Love" with the Unavailable one. I will always love him I'm sure-but I don't have this overwhelming desire to receive a voicemail from him or to even see him as much. Sometimes those voicemails that I listened to at least 5 or 6 times over and then saved, well-sometimes it takes me days to even actually listen to the whole thing.
I'm becoming more secure. He has helped me a lot. I think it may also have to do with my focus on gaining the Marine's love or lust or whatever.

My car probably just needs a tune-up. Get cleaned up, get cleaned out. Maybe that is it. Maybe I just need to be cleaned out. Anyone know a good mechanic for either part?

Oh yeah...this 40 year old man thing...well, another hottie came in to the Restaurant last night, 19 years old. Just wrong. Completely wrong.

Yeah, I need new spark plugs, maybe even a battery... !?!?!?

--lorenaelisa

Wed, 16 Feb 2005 18:43:44 GMT

I received Roses, red at work on Valentines day. The note said

Your secretest Admirer,
A REAL dork

So i know who it was from. Kinda felt good-even though I had just gotten done bashing the holiday and appointing myself to President of Singles Awareness Day, some name my single boss gave to the day.
Of course I was hoping that I might get even a simple call, Hell-even a voicemail, from my Marine. I called him when my shift was over too. No return call. I should have just left it as is when he called On Friday night. When he called the phone was in my hands and I wanted to answer but did not. I mean, he finally called after an entire week and I am supposed to be available? So he leaves a message saying how busy he has been with 14 hour drill days for the past 7 days. By the end he says to call him and if he isn't around he will call back. Yeah, so who cares about V-day in the scheme of things...But he could still have called. I need to give my Secretest of secret admirer a card- I love him, but he is not going to marry me, Sooo-Ahhh. Not gonna call back. Not gonna call back.

Happy Belated Singles Awareness Day

--lorenaelisa

code red, especially for days like this.

Tue, 08 Feb 2005 17:19:24 GMT

I drink code red mountain dew-diet to wake up. I drink it to stay awake, i drink it if i get thirsty in the middle of the night. I think my S.W. advisor thinks i am addicted. She made a comment that people needing any type of substance to sustain normal bodily function have a major weakness. This job requires you to find busy work. I mean, one day we might pick up 3 kids that missed the bus, go out to lunch with a troubled student, talk to another student for 2 hours, write out IEPs for 2 hours and bam the day is over. Then there are days like today. Picked one student up, taught the life skills class, talked to a girl for 10 mins and now she is at a meeting. My one task? Call a doctor and get a fax number. Um...o.k...twiddle twiddle...there, my thumb is even bored.
I am NOT one for finding work. I need structure. I need someone to say-here do this. Even the teachers have a curriculum to follow. I don't know if this is for me. I need more mountain dew because i admit it, Hello Everyone, my name is Lorenaelisa and I am addicted to Code Red Mountain Dew, diet. Got any prayers I can read aloud? something, anything for me to do?

-Lorenaelisa

Mon, 07 Feb 2005 16:59:48 GMT

Sick and Partied out this week. I went out every single night starting wednesday night. Baracha. Drunk drunk Drunk.I must say I had fun while it lasted. The only problem is that my "friends" back here now, from work, school, do not understand my weaknesses to going out. I told them I could not go out at all during the week anymore so because of this, I asked them not to ask me or tell me about parties. I Know the choice is mine, i take responsibility for my actions, BUT its so much harder when I know about big events. I was so sick wednesday, but there I was, dancing (with my no rythm having ass) the night away and snacking on California rolls with Stacey at the Bamboo room. I passed out on the way home. After I woke up shaking, i decided i wasn't going out again...until 10 o'clock came around and Jeanette and I and the rest of the Roadhouse crew went out.and where was I? Well, actually I don't remember. I think I was at Samy's. Not really sure.

I talked to my Marine on Friday though. We had a friendly conversation. He is on his way to a different city. I am pretty sure he has a girlfriend there in D.C. that he says he is just friends with. I don't care really. I mean...he won't be home, except for visits for 3 years. I have plenty of fine gentlemen here. Yeah, so now to do some more social work.
One thing I know, talking about drugs to kids even in junior high is too damn late. Yeah, now I get to read a book by Mr. michael dyson. Ick. NO more partying-at least until Fat Tuesday. Damn it, that is tomorrow-But, how could i stay home on such a Fun party day. Somebody tie my ass down.
The Partying butterfly
--lorena

Wed, 02 Feb 2005 17:17:07 GMT

i dont wanna work on grants anymore. It is so flippin' ridiculous that american public schools have to rely on grants in order to implement successful programs-This sucks. Talking to administrators is not so pleasant either. American Public Education is F*cked! Back to Begging, i mean writing.

--lorena

Anin, i miss you..waiting to be addicted.

Tue, 01 Feb 2005 19:04:03 GMT

I opened this account today because my friend anin who is studying abroad advised it was a good place to be-i mostly wanna communicate with her-but maybe this will turn out to be addictive as she said.i already have a journal though, so doubt it. What?am i challenging myself here? yep, i guess. yeah, so here is what i am thinking...

My highschool kids are about to leave, meaning I have to actually do some work. Doing social work is interesting to say the least.
I am actually just thinking about my guy who isn't my guy anymore. I miss him--why do i have the tendency to go for unavailable guys. O.k. so D.C. is only a few hours away...I wonder what he is doing, thinking about right now...prolly not me :(
O.k.yeah, so I have to work now...then going home to read Sense and Sensibility cause I bought it on a whim, that and Pride and Prejudice. Then I am going to make some Kick Ass dinner and watch a movie with my other UNavailable guy-at least he lives in the same state. Should be Relaxing--something i don't do. I MISS YOU chica!

--lorena elisa